Archive for April, 2014

Talk to Tippy

Posted on: April 30th, 2014 by Madison Lake No Comments

Talk to Tippy for outrageously honest advice. Call it the second opinion we all wish we had. Unabashed and candid and insightful – trust Tippy for guidance with dating, relationship or sexual conundrums. Yes, you can Talk to Tippy!  

Dear Tippy,

I have been married to my wife for 22 years. We have had our ups and downs over the years, and have five children and now one grandchild.

I have suspected for years that she has been having an online affair, and last September I received a link to a video of a woman having sex with a guy. I could only see the woman from the back, but I swear it is my wife — the woman was very pregnant, her hair was highlighted and the same length as my wife’s, and her back, legs and buttocks all match. It breaks my heart to think that she cheated on me, especially while she was pregnant with our son. I really don’t want to believe it. I have had many opportunities to cheat, but would never even entertain the thought. She swears it is not her, and even swears on our children’s salvation. Do women really look that much alike from behind?

Sincerely,

Benjamin Dover

 

Dear Mr Dover,

Whoa. Just hold it right there, my friend. You are NEVER supposed to tell a woman you can tell she’s pregnant from behind. That’s grounds for cheating in and of itself!

Okay. Not really.

Was the video sent to you anonymously? Or, did it come from “Mike Hunt” or “Amanda Putthatthere?” Listen, unless it would seem totally normal to you to receive a link to a video of two complete strangers having sex (I don’t know what kind of friends you have. No judgment.), it seems clear to me that the woman in that video is your wife. I am so sorry. Women do not all look that much alike from behind, and after 22 years of marriage, 5 kids, and one grandchild, I would expect you to know every freckle, dimple, and scar on your wife’s body.

A 22 year marriage is not something to just throw away lightly, though. And, after watching a marathon of a show called “Unfaithful” on Oprah’s OWN network (What? I had insomnia. I don’t judge you, you don’t judge me), many couples have gone through something like this and come through it stronger and more devoted to each other than ever. But not without help. If you do want to save your marriage, you need some couples counseling pronto.

Your wife may continue to deny, deny, deny, but regardless of that, there is a rift in your relationship. Don’t play the blame game it has no merit and doesn’t serve either one of you.  Get help.  Communicate.  Get on with life.  It’s worth it.

Sincerely,

Tippy the Counsellor.

Got a question or a comment for Tippy?  Email her madlakepages@gmail.com

This recently found painting might just be the only one of William Shakespeare done in his lifetime.  It is certainly idealized, with an open and sweet likeness, re-kindling the generations of gossip as to whether he was bisexual, as some of his best-loved poems and sonnets, dedicated to the Earl of Southampton, suggest.

“To me, fair friend, you never can be old, For as you were when first your eye I eye’d, Such seems your beauty still.”

On the 450th anniversary of Shakespeare’s birth (or most certainly his baptism date of April 26th), we’d like to take a journey into early modern England and his play about two seminal figures in the history of sex, Antony and Cleopatra.  The story of two powerful, yet doomed lovers surrounded by the conditions of war; the tale escalates with their sexual tension.

In the early modern period, it was crucial that women stayed chaste until marriage, at which time they could have sex.  These taboos were backed-up in magazines which showed how important it was to remain a virgin, to protect yourself from damaging your goods.  Women were thought of in terms of family only: wives, mothers and daughters.  Although a lot has been said about his negative treatment of female characters, Shakespeare did not express this in Antony and Cleopatra.  Cleopatra is far from pure or naive in this tale.  She is witty, clever, promiscuous and exotic.  Simply trying to get some satisfaction – she breaks the mold of love and lust.  Her audiences can’t get enough of her.   She “makes hungry where she most satisfies”.

In their long death scene, the sexual tension is reconciled.  Imagine an age when romantic love was only possible in death!  In his life as in Antony and Cleopatra, Shakespeare plants his philosophy about love and desire, releasing us from the notion that romantic love isn’t possible.

 

 

 

Talk to Tippy

Posted on: April 23rd, 2014 by Madison Lake No Comments

Talk to Tippy for outrageously honest advice. Call it the second opinion we all wish we had. Unabashed and candid and insightful – trust Tippy for guidance with dating, relationship or sexual conundrums. Yes, you can Talk to Tippy!  

 

Dear Tippy,

I’m 37, and […brace yourself…] I haven’t had any man touch me in the 16 years since my son was born. I was suffering very badly with postpartum depression and ridiculed about my extra weight, flabby parts, and pregnancy scars and my few acquaintances and fewer friends have all but disappeared. I’m beyond lonely. I’ve considered the weirdos that troll Craigslist and male prostitutes and just can’t bring myself to do it. Did I mention I have extreme social anxiety? And though I’ve recently upgraded my ‘toy‘ it still doesn’t give what I really miss about sex. So I guess my question is what would you do if you didn’t have the husband part of the family equation?

Signed,

A Little Lonely

 

Oh Dear Little You,

After reading your note, I can barely put the box of Kleenex down long enough to sputter out with consternation:

CRAIGSLIST?! WOMAN, ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!

The fact is, I don’t know you. I don’t know you, but after hearing your story, I love you and my heart aches for you. Similarly, my fiercely honest and protective friend personality (I have several…I call this one June) is screaming her ever-loving head off. You are hurting, anyone can see. And I’m so sorry that you aren’t as in love with yourself as you should be. In different grades, we–as women and as human beings–have all been there at some point. But the key here is to recognize this foolishness. To recognize that you are to be loved–that you are, in fact, IMMENSELY LOVABLE, “pregnancy scars” and all.

And it is SO IMPORTANT that you learn this and know this and really BELIEVE this. Sixteen years is entirely too long to go feeling this way, and in a way, I’m glad you’ve started thinking about Craigslist only because IT’S BATSHIT INSANITY. This, girl, is your wakeup call. I’m so glad you came to me first.

Now. Get your beautiful ass to a therapist. This is your first, very important, most critical step. Here you will learn the tools you’ll need to help gain some of that confidence you’re lacking. Also, sit down and decide what it is that you enjoy in this world. Go out and start doing some of those things. You will find strength. You will make friends. You will learn to love yourself and let others love you back.  It will take some time but you must at least start.

And then you will come back here and give me an update so that we can all look back on this post and shudder at the thought of what might have been.

With love and support,

Tippy

 

Got a question or a comment for Tippy?  Email her madlakepages@gmail.com

In the pantheon of the orgiastic Greeks and Romans, the wine gods Dionysus and Bacchus immediately come to mind.  They are the ones responsible for ritual madness and ecstasy in ancient mythology.  Yet there were many other orgy cults and ‘mysteries’ in ancient Greece that rose up in society – grass roots.  Some were larger gatherings and some were small intensely private events.  All had one thing in common – through orgies they transcended the body to feel a kind of spiritual bliss.

In secrecy, the mystery religion at Eleusis initiated new members with sex rites and retold the story of the goddess Demeter and her search for her lost daughter Persephone.  For 1,700 years, emperors, slaves, women and men all made the pilgrimage to take part.

People had visions.  Festival-goers drank kykeon, a special potion that contained barley, symbol of Demeter, and ergot – a fungus.  Ergot-tainted grain creates visual distortions and hallucinations.  This is probably why the celebrants considered their breakthroughs so epic.  Unlike other orgiastic mysteries, the one at Eleusis celebrated the spiritual aspects of sex.  People felt “the flight of the soul from the body” even as they enjoyed its pleasures.

By the time of the decadent emperors Caligula and Nero, orgies had become mad vulgar sex parties for the delight of the wealthiest voyeurs.  Despite this, we know they originated in a place that worshipped the mysterious euphoria and liberating awareness of sex.

Talk to Tippy

Posted on: April 16th, 2014 by Madison Lake No Comments

Talk to Tippy for outrageously honest advice. Call it the second opinion we all wish we had. Unabashed and candid and insightful – trust Tippy for guidance with dating, relationship or sexual conundrums. Yes, you can Talk to Tippy!  

Dear Tippy,

My best friend’s husband texted me the other day out of nowhere and started getting flirtatious. I did not flirt back and made sure I mentioned my fiancé more than once so the conversation could steer in a different direction (I mentioned wedding planning, house hunting, and his name).

I didn’t want to over-think it, but then he asked me if I minded that he was flirting with me and asked me to not tell his wife about the conversation.  I told my fiancé about the conversation and he was obviously pretty upset and doesn’t want me going over to my friend’s house anymore.

Now, should break this news to my friend?  I feel like it’s a lose / lose situation and our friendship will not be same after this. What should I do?

Signed,
Messenger Mary
Dear Mare,
You are between a rock and a hard place, my friend. There’s a wide spectrum of flirtation, so it’s a little hard to advise you not knowing if your friend’s husband wrote that you looked hot at the block party last weekend, or if he sent you a pic of his privates. HOWEVER, the fact that he specifically asked you not to tell his wife about the texts is super creepy. Bottom line is, you are not going to feel okay about any of this unless you tell her. I feel for you, I really do.
You need to let her know that you don’t hold her responsible for her husband’s actions, and that you hope it was just a misstep on his part and that you can all get past it.  But that has about as much of a chance as a snowball in hell.
Love,
Tippy

 

Got a question or a comment for Tippy?  Email her madlakepages@gmail.com