Archive for July, 2015

ashleymadison-hackedOnline dating is here to stay….that much is for sure.  From its infancy in the mid nineties, it has become the de facto way to hook up in the 21st century.   Ever-secretive, online communities cater to every avenue available – and have always included safe places for people to cheat on their partners.

With the promise of anonymity, Ashley Madison claims: “Life is short.  Have an affair”

The Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy reported that more than half of all married men and women have an affair at least once in their lives.  Cheating must be in, since these figures have doubled over the last 10 years.  Social factors like longer hours and lighter salaries have pushed the affair trend upward, while technology – which we think brings us closer together – isolates us and can tear us apart.  Nevertheless, people seem to be more aware and concerned than ever about how their personal information is stored and used, which seems at odds with the nearly universal need to find friendship, love or sex online.

The very recent hack of Ashley Madison is a perfect example of the illusion of secrecy we still have when we think about the things we would like kept private.   So what was the hackers main beef?  Some moral issue about polyamory?  A jilted husband or wife out for revenge?  Well no, actually, it was because the company acted unethcially with personal data.  They charged a 20 dollar service fee that they claimed would permanently erase all of their personal data.  These fees racked up millions for the company, but in reality of course, they have no delete key.  People used their credit cards to purchase the service when they had had their fun and wanted out.  Of course, this is the very info they needed to protect.

Now, as the private info of all these people continues to leak, we might be tempted to have a laugh at these cheaters who got caught.  And we then might consider how many marriages will be destroyed, or the domestic violence that will ensue when these bombs drop.  But before we do, let’s stop and think for a minute.  While most of these cheaters totally deserve to get caught, a question pops up: How long do we have before everyone’s secret kink is exposed and known to all as just one more detail to our biographies?




Excerpt on Fear & Love

Posted on: July 28th, 2015 by Madison Lake No Comments

broken heart

My good friend, LaMont Wright, aka Graffiti Bleu, posted this great podcast the other day that gave me pause. Many good points were made, many good questions asked from both sides of the Fear vs Love conversation, all spoken in poignant lyrical poetry and song.

I agree, fear and love are the same thing – they come from the same place. It’s what we do with them in that place that makes all the difference. fear of love /  fear and love / fear without love / fear / love…

We all have our stories. Our stories create us to be who we are and it is up to us to not change, but rewrite our stories so we can feel love without fear, so we can love fearlessly. Important reminders in a society entrapped in judgement, fear mongering, abuse of power and rights, and so on.

I especially love the analogy of mother and child. Listen up:

Fear & Love Cypher




Hello and happy Monday!


This Monday indeed is a very happy Monday for me – I have received an email from my publisher, and my fifth book, Willow Wisp is now in print, and within a week it will be at the distributor, ready for orders! Yay! I couldn’t be more excited!

Take a sneak-peek into Willow Wisp here and read the synopsis.  I hope it will excite you as much I was excited in writing it!

I’m drinking a pot of a Japanese tea Tamaryokucha and listening to TV On The Radio, Mystery Eyes, listen below.

Have a beautiful Monday!

Sorry, I guess there’s no History of Sex this week. I wrote the whole damn thing and then Apple ate it up. Seriously, it just disappeared from my laptop – poof – gone. I’ve tried and tried to find it but no dice. I’m too busy to rewrite it or write a new one so you all will have to wait till next Thursday.

My apologies. Here’s a little video clip to tide you over.

woman reading

It’s nearing midnight and I’m wide awake. I know that’s not saying much. Midnight used to be when the party got started. Now when I’m awake at midnight I know it’s going to be a long, restless night.

I’ve been taking to journaling again. Usually when I can’t sleep I work on a chapter of a book I’m writing or visit an unfinished poem. Sometimes I read, although that often keeps me awake for several hours longer because I can’t put a good book down. So I decided to try journaling again.

Journaling is like blogging only on a one-on-one basis. No one reads my journal but probably a lot of people read my blog. I really am honest in my blog posts, no bullshit, keep it real. I try to come up with interesting topics or stories to share but there’s no doubt I’m guarded knowing it’s going to be out in the public domain. And although juicy gossip and sexy themes draw a larger audience, I like to keep my personal life my own so yes, blogging is limited, at least for me.

My journal sits beside my bed or in the drawer beside my bed. Therein lies my truest thoughts, my darkest secrets, my longings and losses, what I marvel at, what I dare not say aloud.

We should live in truth but there are things we each carry around, like a benign lump or an unruly grey hair that won’t go away. They are our nemesis and our kindred spirit. They are part of who we are. These things are not baggage. They are not a burden. They are our truth and only we understand them.