Talk to Tippy

Posted on: March 26th, 2014 by Madison Lake No Comments

Talk to Tippy for outrageously honest advice. Call it the second opinion we all wish we had. Unabashed and candid and insightful – trust Tippy for guidance with dating, relationship or sexual conundrums. Yes, you can Talk to Tippy.

Dear Tippy,

My husband keeps hinting that I should get a boob job since I’m no longer nursing or having any more babies. (I’m a B cup.) I’m not sure if I want to do this or not, but I also want to keep him interested and hot for me. What should I do?


Flat Franny


Dear Miss Frances,

Okay, let me get this straight. You want to know if you should spend thousands of dollars to undergo major surgery so your already-normal-sized breasts can be artificially enlarged by the implantation into your body of foreign objects so you can keep your husband – WHO IS MARRIED TO YOU FOR BETTER OR WORSE – interested in sex?


Listen, hon. I don’t know your husband or how serious these “hints” of his are, but if he requires larger breasts as a condition of staying “hot” for you, he’s a total asshat.

I’m not saying that NO ONE should have breast implants – in some cases they’re a lovely option, especially for women like my friend Angelina who recently had reconstructive surgery. But if you have even a shred of doubt that this surgery is right for you, you should tell your husband and anyone else who suggests you need bigger boobs for the sake of being sexy, to suck it.

Perhaps you could suggest that Lover Boy get a penis enlargement.  There’s still tons of ads from reputable doctors that are seeping through well filtered email applications that I’m certain could help him out.

Bottom line: If you don’t think there’s anything wrong with your body, there’s not. And don’t let ANYONE tell you otherwise.  Anyone can get boobs.  Men can get boobs.  Dogs can get boobs.  If you do go through with this, then what’s next?

I need a martini.



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