Posts Tagged ‘erotic love’

Talk to Tippy

Posted on: July 9th, 2014 by Madison Lake No Comments

Talk to Tippy for outrageously honest advice. Call it the second opinion we all wish we had. Unabashed and candid and insightful – trust Tippy for guidance with dating, relationship or sexual conundrums. Yes, you can Talk to Tippy!

Tippy - legs

 

Dear Tippy,

My husband and I are swingers. Recently we went to our neighbors house party and were surprised when at the end of the evening everybody picked house keys from a basket by the front door (just like back in the sixties!) and went home with a new partner. Interestingly it was our neighbors and hosts who we switched with. It was fun, I admit, but for me that was that, it ended there. However, my husband is still seeing my neighbor Beth (different name) and has recently told me he is falling in love with her! I’m not sure what to do. I never expected this. We’ve been married for thirteen years and have always ‘played’ but this has made me realize I love him too much to lose him.

Swung Too Far

 

Dear Swung and Flung,

I’m not sure what advice to give you. Swingers swing, Players play. It’s the name of the game. You knew that from the start and you both partook. Basically there are no guarantees in any relationship but Swingers do tempt fate – and each other. Sure, it can be fun and exciting, but I think in most cases this is how it ends. I guess you’ll have to have a long talk with yourself and your hubby about how you see your future. Best ‘o luck.

 

Dear Tippy,

My friend follows your column religiously and told me you once wrote about delicious foods to spice up your love life. Is there any way you can repost that for me? I’m in desperate need of some spicing, asap. Btw, my friend loves your column. Thanks,

Desperada

 

Dear Des,

Here you go…Enjoy. And tell your friend thank you for her loyalty.

Talk to Tippy Food & Sex

 

Got a question or a comment for Tippy? Email her at madlakepages@gmail.com. 100% Confidential.

Its everywhere.  Advertising overflows with it.  Its all people talk about.  Do you love someone but aren’t in love with them?  Are you in love love?  Is it just about the sex, then?  We think about it, dream about it, go online to get closer to it ~ and of course, we write stories about it.  Modern ideals of falling in love and discovering romance find their beginnings in exactly that – stories.  In this week’s History of Sex, we’ll have a look at the origins of love.

During the crusades, a flow of soldiers, merchants and culture brought Spanish and Islamic traditions into the lives of Europeans.  There were the troubadours of Provence, basically Spanish romance poets – traveling throughout Europe singing mythical songs about chivalry and love.  The motifs developed in Arabic literature soon influenced French, English, Italian and German culture:  love as sickness and cure, romance as torment and delight.  The idea of ‘love for love’s sake’ and even the notion of ‘unrequited love’ have their roots in Arabic poetry of the 9th and 10th century.

From far-off places, courtship and an eroticized ‘real love’ worked its way into the European story.  The practice of courtly love was developed in the castle life in a few regions in France around the time of the First Crusade (1099).  At the time, marriages for nobles were ‘arrangements’ and had nothing to do with what we know as ‘love’, so ‘lovers’ were something different.

Here are the stages of courtly love:

  • Attraction to the lady, usually by a glance
  • Worship of the lady from afar
  • Declaration of passionate devotion
  • Virtuous rejection by the lady
  • Renewed wooing with oaths of virtue and eternal faithfulness
  • Moans of approaching death from unsatisfied desire (and other lovesickness)
  • Heroic deeds of valor which win the lady’s heart
  • Consummation of the secret love
  • Endless adventures avoiding detection

Well, today we’d probably call them “cheaters”.  They were definitely secret trysts…often sexual, but sometimes just escalating emotional affairs.   They were never purely platonic – all courtly love was erotic.  At the very least, all these noble cheats helped to break up some of the chauvinism of the upper classes.  At most, they helped to spread an imaginative view of romantic love where sex was something to achieve…they made fashionable the very idea that it was a game worth playing.