Dating = Done
After several friends of mine cajoled me into ‘giving online dating another try’, I succumbed and joined a site called Elite Singles. The name seemed to put out a certain level of class or selectiveness, but who was I kidding?
Of course you sign up for FREE but then you have to pay in order to see anyone’s photo or the details of their profile. Sheesh. What a joke. So, I figured I may as well sign up for three months if I was going to give this the good old college try. Interestingly, very few men posted photos, so that was a waste of money right there (sorry, I do need to see who I am considering dating). The men who did post photos, well…sadly there were slim pickings, or should I say not my idea of ‘elite’.
After several weeks of getting no interest whatsoever, even after I contacted or showed interest in many men, I did begin to communicate with one gentleman several years older than me, who seemed interesting, worldly, smart and was attractive and sporty. Finally we decided to meet for coffee.
I had to work at noon that day so we met near my workplace downtown with plenty of time to chat and enjoy an Americano. It turned out this guy was recently divorced after 32 years of marriage, was dressed smartly enough in jeans and a jean jacket but admitted he was not yet ready to ‘be old’ and was clearly working hard at that. He proceeded to talk about his kids and his ex-wife pretty much the whole time and then threw in a few political opinions that signalled we were coming from quite different places. I politely cut short the meet and greet saying I had some prep work to do before starting my shift. He did walk me to work. That was the end of that.
The other night, a girlfriend of mine and I went to a Scotch whiskey fundraiser for the Writer’s Festival. We had booked our tickets well in advance and were excited to attend something different. It was a splendid affair – lots of tasting tables, delicious food and much to our surprise, a good crowd of mostly men. (of course! men drink whiskey)
After making the rounds, trying a little of just about everything, we bumped into a man who we had seen here and there throughout the evening. He and I seemed to connect and laughed about how we kept seeing each other. We settled at a table and began chatting, which was remarkably easy after drinking Scotch all evening.
Not wanting to be Negative Nancy here but two things happened that completely put me off. First of all, this man was very amiable, had a great sense of humour and asked questions about both myself and my friend – all plusses so far. I was thinking to myself, hey this could be something. I casually mentioned I was feeling like having another wee dram and he agreed. Soon after he disappeared and returned with not two but one wee dram which he happily sipped himself, completely oblivious to the rest of us at the table. I went and got my own.
By the way, this move has nothing to do with him being a man expected to get a woman a drink, and has everything to do with manners and listening. It was weird.
Soon, my friend said she was ready to go. I didn’t blame her because by that time, the guy was talking more to me and I’m sure she was getting bored. I said I’d join her and we said our goodbyes. As we headed toward the door she asked if I got his number and I said no. “Well, what are you waiting for?” she cried. “Go back and get it.” So I did. I approached him, said I didn’t have any business cards on me but I wanted to leave him my number. He nodded. Then there was silence. I said I didn’t have a pen. More silence. He apparently didn’t either, nor was there a move to get one. I suddenly felt awkward and uncomfortable and left. That was that.
Isn’t there a book and a film called He’s Just Not That Into You?
In any case, my trying to date days are really over this time (she says again). If it ‘happens’ then I’m open, but no more profiles or photo sharing or blind coffee dates, although I might be convinced to have a wee dram once in a while.