Posts Tagged ‘love’

Design Your Destiny

Posted on: February 23rd, 2016 by Madison Lake No Comments

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about work and making money – basically survival in the 21st century. I mean, who doesn’t think about these things all of the time? It accounts for so much stress in our lives and takes up far too much brain power than it deserves.

I’ve been putting my life force into my thoughts about work and earning power. I’ve done this before only about love and it worked except I neglected to add to my list of ‘wants’ integrity, and my list of ‘don’t wants’ sociopath.

Anyway… this process is often called creative visualization or the power of thought. Many of you might know of it or even do it, but try turning that into your life, not just your thoughts. In other words, try living it full time.

Being self-employed can be a constant source of financial anxiety. Should I take another job or would that spread myself too thin, distract from my creative work? Should I go back to school so I can double or triple my earning power (or not)? Should I quit this thing called writing altogether (heaven forbid) and get a real job?

The power of positive thought can create our reality. We are in charge of ourselves. We can make our lives – work, romance, happiness – be what we want. I really do believe this to be true.

My current design plan looks something like this:

  1. Write out my very specific goals – my ultimate dreams and desires. Even if something seems unattainable, I am certain I can attain it.
  2. Put this list someplace in my home (can be your car, office, wherever) so I can see it every day.
  3. Visualize each goal or dream.
  4. Reach toward each goal or dream so I begin to live it.
  5. Break it down if that helps me – one step at a time
  6. Wake up every day with a bounce in my step and give gratitude.

That’s just a sample. We can do whatever works for us. Do what feels right, what feels good, what feels doable – and do it. Put your heart out there for fulfilment, success, peace, love and happiness. They are all there.

Share your goals and dreams with others by leaving your comment on this blog. You’d be surprised the results from feedback.

ML xo

Röyksopp

Hello and happy Monday!

Today I’m drinking a cinnamon latte and listening to Röyksopp.  How was your Valentine’s Day weekend?  I hope you spent it with people you love.  If you’re single – like me – I hope you shared love with your family and friends, but most of all, that you gave yourself lots of love.  Because you deserve it!

I started my Valentine’s celebrations on Thursday, at the Boudoir Stories book reading event at The Art of Loving in Vancouver.  You had so many amazing questions and I am honestly grateful for your interest and participation.  On Friday I met my dearest friends for a glass of wine, Saturday I spent with my family, and on Sunday we strolled around Vancouver and then cuddled at home with my lovely and furry Pippa.

I always feel that after Valentine’s Spring is just around the corner.  As if all the talking about love will melt all the snow and chase the winter away. Who knows, maybe love (and Spring) is just around the corner?

Today I share with you Röyksopp and What Else is There?

Love,
Madison

 

February is the Month of Love and Friendship but rather than delve into the history and traditions around St.Valentine’s Day – (you can read about that here) – let’s just look at the entity of Love.

Loving and being loved is an essential part of being human – we sense it’s presence when we are in our mother’s belly. In childhood we thrive in a loving environment, growing into balanced, confident and happy individuals. As adolescents and adults we dream about it, read about it, sing about it and look everywhere for it.

Children are constantly testing the limits, seeking Unconditional Love and how well we as parents can give that, depends on our children’s ability to love as adults. Many scholars and psychologists have written about how a son learns to love from his mother, and a daughter from her father. These imprints greatly affect our view of ourselves and are carried forward to our adult relationships, both plutonic and romantic. 

In a Loving Environment what we are essentially teaching our children is Self Love. In the spiritual revolution of the late 20th century there was a lot of talk about loving oneself, but there was no manual for how to do it or even how to recognize it. The change from a more rigid Victorian disciplinary model to a more free and loving way of raising our children was confusing because the disciplinary model was supposedly an expression of love through establishing boundaries and thereby fitting into society. The unconditional love model was seen as weak and not a path that would develop responsible adults. The problem with the disciplinary model is that it destroys Self Love through fear and prevents children from realizing their true potential. Unconditional Love doesn’t say ‘I will love you no matter what you do’…rather it says, ‘I will not make you feel guilty or worthless or abandon you for your actions’.  Studies show that addiction, violent behaviour and disassociation from society can be traced to a lack of Unconditional Love in one’s childhood.

Self Love is a constant practise. Even those of us fortunate enough to be raised in a Loving Environment experience self-deprecation and are bombarded daily with images of how we should be – skinnier, richer, more beautiful, more conformist, and so on. We as adults could help each other to develop Self Love by complimenting and praising each other, just as parents in a Loving Environment do with their children because they know it helps develop them into healthy, loving and complete beings. We could do a daily exercise where we look in the mirror and see only our good qualities. We could tell our loved ones or an employee or the guy at the gas station how much we appreciate them.

Our legacy as parents and friends and members of society is not about how many millions we leave our heirs, it is about how well we love and how we teach each other to love – it is, The Legacy of Love.

Happy St. Valentine’s Day!

True or False

Posted on: February 9th, 2016 by Madison Lake No Comments

book-featimg-boudoir-storiesA few of you have asked me, or at least thought about where I get my story ideas from. It’s a common question for writers, but probably more intriguing when asking a writer of erotic romance novels.

One of the first things I learned about writing is to always write about what you know. It will be your most authentic voice. It will be believable. For instance, I will not try to write about growing up in Israel during war times or escaping capture from soldiers in Somalia. I might be able to weave a piece of fiction on those subjects but they might sound more like a report, not a deeply rooted, moving picture of someone’s life.

Now that I’ve backed myself into a corner about authenticity and writing erotic romance, I will remind you that we are all sexual. We are born that way. Perhaps not everyone can write but we all feel sexual arousal, sensual stirrings, lusty desire, and even have our fetishes.

I was also fortunate enough to be born into a very creative family – artists, thinkers, writers. So if I put the two together, voila! An erotic romance writer was born.

I didn’t always have a desire to write romance novels. In fact, I did not grow up reading them and still don’t gravitate to them as my genre of choice. But they are damn fun to write. A little imagination and fantasy and a lot of courage and honesty goes a long way.

Courage is to write the stuff unabashedly. Honesty is hatched from courage.

It took me a while to overcome my inhibitions and ‘come out’ as me rather than hide behind the persona of Madison Lake. That was partly because of the (stupid) reputation romance novels have had in the land of literature, and partly because of what people might think of me. Ridiculous but true. Once I let go and could write with courage and honesty about a character or situation, whether it was real to me or not, the story became more real, more authentic.

Most, if not all of my stories are fiction and fantasy but of course they are drawn from something I’ve either read, seen, heard or experienced. The fun part is to elaborate on a situation to make it much more than what it might have originally been and weave that into a story that way.

You, the reader, can decide. If you think I had a poolside orgy with my workmates in the short story The Party in Boudoir Stories, or danced topless at the Beltane Festival in Where Daffodils Grow Wild, go for it.

I will be whoever you want. I will be your chameleon.   MLbowie

Today I’m going to give you some feedback about aging and dating from a guy friend of mine.

He’s a boomer. He’s old. He’s hetero.

He’s got a belly, is bald and is handsome. He’s also single and has been for seven years, since he and his wife divorced. She left him, but that’s another story. This story is about what it’s been like for him to date as an old guy.

man's face

First of all, when I say old, I refer to anyone fifty-plus. Fifty seems to be the marker for many. Forty is the new thirty and all that, but fifty’s the game changer.

This guy said he usually reads or hears about how tough it is for women. They get dumped or leave their relationship and have a hard time finding another man. Most middle aged and older men are looking for younger women. Same old story that all of us women are used to but he said to me, ’In all fairness, wouldn’t you?’ He has a point. But mostly what he hears from women is that it sucks to be them at their age.

Women seem to claim all the hardships of getting older in the dating scene, how difficult it is to attract a ‘good man’, how embarrassing it would be to take off their clothes in front of a guy now that they are older, thicker, and have saggier boobs. But he says, what about the guys? Do these women think they are the only ones who suffer aging miseries? Do they think men can catch anyone they want or that all men are the same?

He told me about his dating experiences. Things started out fine, and dating again after his divorce was actually a lot of fun once he got into it. Until the horrible happened. He couldn’t perform, not for nothing, for nobody, no-how.

Since then, it’s been hard for him to get back in the saddle. The humiliation ran deep and the performance anxiety is ever present. It’s a man’s worst nightmare and my friend is not alone. But he’s recently met a great woman, so here’s hoping.

I’ve always enjoyed hearing a man’s point of view because they usually approach an issue from a different angle and offer another way of looking at something. And I love when a man shares on a personal level like we women do. Not all men or women can or will do that.

We know and respect that men and women are different, but we need to remember that there are also similarities. We all have feelings, we all have fears and insecurities, we all suffer as well as love. 

We’re all going down this path together.

                                                              Have a story? Send it to me. One hundred percent confidentiality. madlakepages@gmail.comman jumping