Posts Tagged ‘online dating’

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Dating = Done

After several friends of mine cajoled me into ‘giving online dating another try’, I succumbed and joined a site called Elite Singles. The name seemed to put out a certain level of class or selectiveness, but who was I kidding?

Of course you sign up for FREE but then you have to pay in order to see anyone’s photo or the details of their profile. Sheesh. What a joke. So, I figured I may as well sign up for three months if I was going to give this the good old college try. Interestingly, very few men posted photos, so that was a waste of money right there (sorry, I do need to see who I am considering dating). The men who did post photos, well…sadly there were slim pickings, or should I say not my idea of ‘elite’.

After several weeks of getting no interest whatsoever, even after I contacted or showed interest in many men, I did begin to communicate with one gentleman several years older than me, who seemed interesting, worldly, smart and was attractive and sporty. Finally we decided to meet for coffee.

I had to work at noon that day so we met near my workplace downtown with plenty of time to chat and enjoy an Americano. It turned out this guy was recently divorced after 32 years of marriage, was dressed smartly enough in jeans and a jean jacket but admitted he was not yet ready to ‘be old’ and was clearly working hard at that. He proceeded to talk about his kids and his ex-wife pretty much the whole time and then threw in a few political opinions that signalled we were coming from quite different places. I politely cut short the meet and greet saying I had some prep work to do before starting my shift. He did walk me to work. That was the end of that.

The other night, a girlfriend of mine and I went to a Scotch whiskey fundraiser for the Writer’s Festival. We had booked our tickets well in advance and were excited to attend something different. It was a splendid affair – lots of tasting tables, delicious food and much to our surprise, a good crowd of mostly men. (of course! men drink whiskey)

After making the rounds, trying a little of just about everything, we bumped into a man who we had seen here and there throughout the evening. He and I seemed to connect and laughed about how we kept seeing each other. We settled at a table and began chatting, which was remarkably easy after drinking Scotch all evening. 

Not wanting to be Negative Nancy here but two things happened that completely put me off. First of all, this man was very amiable, had a great sense of humour and asked questions about both myself and my friend – all plusses so far. I was thinking to myself, hey this could be something. I casually mentioned I was feeling like having another wee dram and he agreed. Soon after he disappeared and returned with not two but one wee dram which he happily sipped himself, completely oblivious to the rest of us at the table. I went and got my own.

By the way, this move has nothing to do with him being a man expected to get a woman a drink, and has everything to do with manners and listening. It was weird.

Soon, my friend said she was ready to go. I didn’t blame her because by that time, the guy was talking more to me and I’m sure she was getting bored. I said I’d join her and we said our goodbyes. As we headed toward the door she asked if I got his number and I said no. “Well, what are you waiting for?” she cried. “Go back and get it.” So I did. I approached him, said I didn’t have any business cards on me but I wanted to leave him my number. He nodded. Then there was silence. I said I didn’t have a pen. More silence. He apparently didn’t either, nor was there a move to get one. I suddenly felt awkward and uncomfortable and left. That was that.

Isn’t there a book and a film called He’s Just Not That Into You

In any case, my trying to date days are really over this time (she says again). If it ‘happens’ then I’m open, but no more profiles or photo sharing or blind coffee dates, although I might be convinced to have a wee dram once in a while.

ML

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Okay, I admit, I’m giving it another go. Maybe it’s the time of year, the weather, or maybe I am really realizing it is the only way to meet someone. I does not happen randomly like we may fantasize (or write) about. I wish it did but it doesn’t. So, back to the computer, the iPhone, the screen to hide behind, like so many do.

I had a very interesting coffee date the other day with a ‘young’ guy who I immediately pegged as not my type. (you know that first feeling you get – nothing about looks, just instinct) He started  yammering on and on about reasons why he was late; skytrain, weather, blah, blah and I was thinking it was going to be one of those ‘awkward to cut short’ kind of situations.

However, soon he began explaining about online dating, the algorithms they use, the ‘math’ behind other peoples profiles, the number of married women who are only looking for sex, the number of phony profiles and how to spot them. It was so interesting. This guy seemed to be a specialist in online dating. It helped he was a computer geek and knew (easily, I learned) how to figure all that stuff out. I suppose there are many others who can and do. But as a lay person, I found it all so fascinating. I really learned a lot.

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One thing I neglected to ask him was why so many men post ridiculous photos of themselves. Like three photos that are all the same and too blurry to see, or the guy who is standing 200 meters away so you have no idea what he looks like, or the sideways pics (they don’t know how to rotate it?), or the pics where they look like serial killers. The list goes on. Seriously, I find myself laughing out loud at so many of them and I don’t understand what would prompt these men to put photos like this forward as their ‘best selves’. Is that as good as it gets?

Anyway, I’ll see how long I last on this site now that I’m working full time and writing and living. When can I fit in dating, I ask myself? But it’s another adventure, more fodder for my blog and perhaps a new book. And hey, every date is a learning experience. You do the math.

ML

Rubens Knew

Posted on: February 2nd, 2016 by Madison Lake No Comments

I have a friend who just met someone.  imgres

My friend is sixty-six and was not all that optimistic about finding another man after a dreadful divorce of thirty-odd years of marriage.

She met this man online after a friend of hers pushed her to give online dating a try. She met him right away. No god-awful dating. He just appeared.

This man is fifty six. He’s educated, interesting, well traveled. He’s been around the block a few times, knows about life, and is at a good place with himself in the world. My friend is not an easy person to match up because she too is smart, funny, well traveled and would not be able to spend time with someone who couldn’t have a decent conversation or know about stuff. Any stuff.

This new ‘relationship’ took flight as easily as an eagle catching air current. But of course my friend knew that it would not be long before she was faced with the daunting reality of sex. The sex part wasn’t daunting. In fact she had missed it terribly. But it would mean this man would see her naked, open and exposed. What used to be so free and easy, so normal, had become a dreaded moment, such a common thread among middle aged and upwards women.

As it turns out, this man likes a ‘rubenesque’ woman. My friend is in great shape but she’s also curvy, fleshy, voluptuous, full figured. She is how a woman should be. And of course his acceptance made it much easier for her to take off her clothes and announce ‘This is me. This is who I am’.

I’m glad my friend met a real man. She is being adored and respected for exactly who she is, which again, is how it should be.

Apparently there was some vodka involved, dripped in all the right places…

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Gone Fishing

Posted on: November 3rd, 2015 by Madison Lake No Comments

So it’s official. I am off all (two) online dating sites. I got refunded (seriously) from the site that had dummy dates responding to my ‘likes’. I caught on to that one quickly. At least they listened to my complaint, although they did say they were hackers not employees. Who knows? Who cares?

Naw, it wasn’t for me. I was into online dating about ten years ago and it was fine. I guess I’m just in a different place now. I got bored and I don’t get bored. I admit I didn’t try very hard but it wasn’t fun. It felt like a game, in my case, women picking and choosing from photos of men that may or may not have been current or even real or if they were real, they were taken five hundred yards away and were too blurry to make out. Then there were the pics of men astride a souped up Harley. Uh huh. May as well know straight away. I know, I’ve become a fucking judgey cynical bitch. No wonder I’m single.

I recently went to a conference in Vegas. Yes, we all know what happens in Vegas, yadayadayada. Nothing. Nothing happened until the last night at the closing party and dance after too many gin and tonics (way too much lemon) and after too many days sitting in chairs. I danced my ass off, which felt wonderful. And I met a man. A real one. He seemed my type. He approached me. We danced. We talked. We laughed. We exchanged emails. It was on.

I heard from him for a week or so after Vegas. Not anymore. He had mentioned he was interested in ‘meeting lots of different women’ which is not code for being non-committal. Fine. But I guess he found another woman since I haven’t heard from him since early October.

I have no plan B, C, or D on the dating front. Ever reassuring, my friends say, “If it’s meant to be it will happen”. “It will happen when you least expect it”. “You’re such a catch, you just have to keep your line out there”.

I had once considered taking a fly fishing course. There’s no time like the present.

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letter

Well, well, well…I have some very interesting gossip from the dating front.

I’ve been testing the waters of new online dating sites. My curiosity was piqued after receiving several oddly similar emails from men with whom I was communicating on one particular site (No name mentioned).

Most of the emails received were in response to my initiating contact but some were from men initiating contact with me. The emails were personal enough but similar too, and written in a style that seemed like English was not the author’s first language.

The first email I received said something like ‘I was happy to read from you’, which threw me off but I let it go thinking it was some sort of internet-speak for saying ‘happy to hear from you’. Silly me. Shortly thereafter I received another email from a completely different dude who said pretty much the same thing only reworded it so it sounded like it was written just for me, e.g. responding to things I had mentioned in my email or commenting on my profile.

Red flags began to wave but I wanted to see if there truly was a pattern emerging so I kept contacting men I found interesting or attractive and sure enough, they were all ‘happy to read from me’. Snap!

I immediately closed my account but not before sending a separate complaint as well as a very clear reason why I was closing my account (No, I said, I did not meet someone special!)

To my surprise, the no-name dating site replied to my complaint within 24 hours saying they were doing their best to eliminate these posers. Apparently it is a big problem. And to go one step further, they refunded the money I paid to sign up! Holy shit. That was expected.

I won’t rejoin no-name dating site but I think they stepped up darn quickly and took care of their customer, which was me. I did thank them for their excellent customer service. I’d actually like to date the person in charge of this protocol – the one who keeps them honest.

Okay, enough said. Onward. I’m not sure where but there are always new trends in matchmaking so I’m sure something will roll around soon. Maybe I’ll go to a physic to find out what I should do next. At least that would make another good story. Please, if you have any ideas for me, I’m all ears.

ML xo

palm read

 

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